I can do it!

After Jill's inspirational lecture regarding blog topics, it actually dawned on me that the four of you who read my blog might actually care about things that are happening in my life. So here it goes:

1. I accepted the full time, day time client advocate position at shelter. I'm actually really excited, for a number of reasons. I think it will be good experience. Also, I have finally given up on GLSEN. There is no money for me to be paid after this month, and I just can't live like that anymore. So I will have one full time job, that I think I will like, that will actually PAY ME EVERY TWO WEEKS, and I don't have to fund raise my own salary. And it won't be forever, so if I hate it, it will be okay.

2. I've decided to not go to South America. I'm going to go to Spanish language school in Mexico in January, then come back to KC, work for another couple of months (like 5), then we'll head off to somewhere way cooler. Probably Portland. I'm so broke, due to the explained situation in #1, that I just can't do it right now. I'm sure I'll make it at some point. The scary part? Sarah is going. Which is fabulous for her, since she really needs this. But all I can think about about at this point is the day Jesse left for the Peace Corps. Argh... It'll be fine, right?

3. Sly has moved out of my house and this makes me sad. In fact, I haven't even talked to her since I got back into town because of my stupid work schedule. Booo...

old and tired

So I can't work overnights anymore. I'm exhausted. All the time. And I feel particularly shitty about this because I really dig my job and my coworkers. But being tired all the time (literally all the time) has made me feel crazy; I would even say more crazy than usual.

Emily and I had a long talk about this (as we do most things) and she said that she's never felt so crazy, or so stupid, as right after Eli was born and was refusing to sleep through the night. It's not fun to feel crazy and stupid.

It KILLS ME cause when I worked at the WC, I could (and would) stay up super late and then drink coffee the next day and have it be fine. But now that I actually have a job that requires late nights, I can't do it. After much discussion with Sarah and my therapist, I 've come to the conclusion that I'm no longer in my early 20's. Right. I'm in my late 20's. Nearly 30, some might say. I actually believe that I'm no longer youthful enough to stay up all night, and not worry about catching up on the sleep. And I think I was also suffering from some major untreated depression when I had those sleepless nights. Now that I'm actually happy and healthy, my bod needs time to process those good emotions. Interesting. So this is what being healthy feels like...

So there's a full time, day time position opening here - do I apply? I know there's a huge difference between part time and full time shelter work. I need advice from folks who have worked in shelters far longer than I have. Which just happens to be nearly everyone who reads this blog...

don't smoke crack, kids...

So we found a crack pipe at shelter tonight. This is TERRIBLE (and probably the reason that I will never be a social worker) but I think it's funny. I don't know why, but that was my initial reaction. I think that woman that was smokin' it left, too, so it's really not that big of a deal, but it was HYSTERICAL to watch all the women who work here, who are all from suburbia, FREAK OUT and then come find me to ask if it, indeed, was a crack pipe, since I'm a crazy dyke from the inner city and know these things. It was awesome. I dig the shit out of this job, for entertainment purposes if nothing else.

I saw a sneak preview of Michael Moore's "Sicko" last weekend. Everyone must see it. It was phenomenal.

Oh, Hawaii is the best place on earth and I don't know why everyone doesn't live there. I'll post pics when I get them developed, as I am still using disposable cameras because I can't work anything else effectively.

beth ditto rocks

I keep meaning to tell EVERY DAMN PERSON I KNOW how totally amazing beth ditto (lead singer of the most awesome band the gossip) posed BUTT ASS NAKED for a british music mag NME. She looks phenominal. I love love love her. She so rad.

tomorrow = awesome

I need to brag for just a hot second. I'm going to Hawaii tomorrow and I'm so excited I'm about to pee myself. This is such good timing, particularly since I did my first intake at the shelter last night and every time I left the room to get something, the woman entering shelter would "soothe" her children by singing Jesus songs. Loudly. With vibrato. I wanted to shoot myself, which would probably be looked down on in a shelter setting.

I'm gonna sit on the beach and read books and drink rum for a week. Be jealous... :)

pride is over (if you want it)

THANK GOD. I just experienced what may very well be, goddamn better be, my last KC pride extravaganza. Russ and I realized today that this might be our 6th KC Pride. Wow. It was highlighted this year with the addition of a few new folks and REALLY great music acts, but this was not outweighed by the confrontation with nearly everyone I've slept with in the last three years. It's remarkable how well you can hide out (like I hide out) but then show up to see John Koop make a damn fool of himself (again) and eat a blooming onion and all of a sudden your sexual history is sitting in your lap. In front of your girlfriend and a bunch of high school students of whom you are in charge. Awesome. Someone today told me that six degrees of separation in the KC dyke community is a joke. It's really two. I'm certain she right. I cannot wait to move...

In other news, I'm thinking of going vegan. One of my housemates is, and he's an inspiration. But I love cheese and creamy anything so damn much...Hmmmm....But the health benefits are awesome. So I dunno. I need folks to weigh in on this when you have time. Let me know what you think.

missouri = disgusting

I'm moving. Immediately. Fuck this place.

Who's with me?

Falwell dead = best day ever

oh my god!! He's dead! Jerry Falwell is dead! I can hardly believe it!

When Cassie called and told Sarah and I, I had a reaction to it very similar to when Strom Thurmond and Ronald Regan died - I believe we celebrated both of those events at the WC - to bad we weren't all together yesterday to raise a glass. What a terrible asshole.

On an equally appealing note, Sarah and I are going to the US Social Forum at the end of June in Atlanta. There's also going to be a totally rad queer fest at the same time - MondoHomo. Funny, huh? Anyway, if you're interested, I think we should round up as many Midwest folks as possible and head south. C'mon...

hospital = suck

Miss Emily is free! Apparently, she has some stupid ulcer from all the vomiting from all the chemo. Yucko. I'm glad she's home.

job interview...

So I have an interview today with Synergy for an overnight (3 nights a week) position in their DV shelter and I'm so nervous I want to die. I probably doesn't help that I just had a huge vanilla latte, but whatever. I'm really afraid that the woman at the interview won't like me and that I'll say something stupid and she'll be homophobic and won't like that I work for GLSEN and I'll say something stupid and she'll realize I have no practical experience in regard to working in a shelter aside from the fact that ALL of my friends have done it and then I'll say something stupid. Crap.

Whew...I feel better.

Jill - I wish you were here to talk me down from the gaddamn ledge. How are you? I wish you would blog, but I understand. Do you care if I use you for a reference?

In other, far more important news, Emily is in the hospital with an infection. Cancer and chemo are stupid. You would think, with our ability as a nation to blow up other nations and all, we would have come up with an alternative to treating cancer that DOES NOT INCLUDE THE COMPLETE DESTRUCTION OF YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM! Christ.

i don't understand...

...how the hell to read other people's blogs. All I can see are Sly's and Jill's. And I love the rest of you, too. So can someone who is smarter than me help me out?

Thanks!

pick yr brain, not yr nose

So, I've been having a terrible time sleeping lately. Last night I took, like, five max strength Benedryl and now I can't function. And I didn't even sleep that well. Damn it.

So now for the brain picking...I have to give a presentation to a class at one of the MCC schools tonight. It's either a sociology or social work class, I can't remember. The teacher wants me to talk about gender violence, which means I get to talk about stereotypes and breaking them, which you all know that I adore. GPAC just came out with this "50 under 30" report, which you should all check out www.gpac.org. I'm going to present that, talk about stereotypes, etc. But I always view these classes as a chance to give students what I didn't get in college, or at least on a regular basis. So if you were to present a lecture on gender violence to a college class, what would you say? Any nuggets of wisdom that you wish some crazy person had let you know while you were in school? Let me know if you have a sec.

nevermind

So we had a totally rad strategic planning session on Saturday - and I got my job back. And a bunch of people committed to raising money. So never mind the previous post. Ah, well.

public forum for bitching = awesome

I have no goddamn idea what I'm doing.

This seems to be a common theme in my life.

The creation of this blog is BY FAR the most computer savvy thing I have ever done. And it seems from the set up process, a monkey could do it. Awesome.

So my job with GLSEN was eliminated today. We have no money. We really haven't had enough money to pay a part time person for about two years. My position will be eliminated at the end of May, after working my ass off for exactly one year. I really feel like I was just getting the hang of the job, too. And students are actually giving a shit. They're organizing meetings on their own, writing, creating, trying to make their world better - I'm not even pushing them now. And it's over. Fuck.

I'm soooooo tired of feeling like everything we all do gets swept under the rug as soon as we get good at it. Fuck this place.

OH - and since my well paying part time job is being torched, I can't go to massage school. Again, awesome.

My next blog will be more positive - I can feel it.

I just shaved Sarah's hair into a mohawk. It looks totally rad. She's hot. If I knew how to post a picture, I'd do it.